Do Not Masturbate in a Public Restroom
by SailorMiniMooooon
Summary: an archive
1. Chapter 1

It was just another Monday morning.

Arthur was having a cool dream where he and Buster were racing each other in their own cool, custom made cars across the Shinjuku district in Tokyo.

Just as he was about to reach the finish line after crushing Busters car under a neon sign which he had knocked over, his alarm clock reached 7:00 and blared out an electronic beep that woke him up.

Aww, dang it!, groaned Arthur as he got up out of bed.

He then walked over to the bathroom, brushed his teeth, got in the shower, got out, dried off, got dressed, brushed his hair, and went down to the kitchen to pour himself a big hearty bowl of Corn Flakes with Shrek and Donkey on the box.

Just as he was finished, the bus had arrived.

During recess, Binky was showing the Tough Customers his new Nintendo Wii.

I went all the way to Crown City just to find one of these!, said Binky.

So?, said Rattles. Your stupid Wii is nothing compared to my new system!

He then opened up his backpack and pulled out his new black Xbox 360 Elite.

Arthur was playing Magic: The Gathering with Buster when he noticed Rattles cool system, and walked over to him.

Rattles then put his system back in his backpack and told Arthur You gotta pay me $50 to see my Xbox!

Aww!

But Ill only charge you $5 to teach you how to masturbate.

Masturbate? said Arthur. Whats that?

Oh, you know!

He then taught Arthur what it was, how its done, all the slang terms for it, masturbatory aids, etc.

After he got home, he went to his room and did his homework. After he was done, he went to the kitchen to eat dinner, then went to his room, turned on his regular white Xbox 360 Core, and beat Buster on Halo 2 on Xbox Live.

After he was done, he went into the bathroom and was about to take a shower. Then he remembered his session with Rattles earlier and opened up the sink drawer. Inside was his Dads Playboy magazine. He then took it to the toilet seat, undid his pants, pumped some lotion in his left hand while holding the magazine in the right, and started whacking off. After he was done, he grabbed some toilet paper and cleaned himself up. He then proceeded to take the rest of his clothes off and entered the shower.

The next day at school, while Mr. Ratburn was writing the assignments on the board, he reminded everyone We are going to have the Elwood City Police Force come over on Thursday for their demonstration on catching criminals! He then handed everyone their assignments.

After Arthur was done, he had a sudden urge.

Mr. Ratburn?, said Arthur as he raised his hand, May I be excused to the bathroom please?

Mr. Ratburn gave him a hall pass, and Arthur dashed quickly to the bathroom.

He then went into the stall, and waited for everyone to leave the bathroom. After the bathroom was empty, he pulled his pants down and polished his sword.

Meanwhile, back in the classroom, Muffy suddenly had to go.

While she walked to the girls room, she heard a fap, fap, fap coming from the boys room. Rather than going in the boys room and finding something gross, she ignored it and proceeded to the girls room.

During lunchtime, after Arthur got his lunch, he sat down next to Buster.

Unfortunately, he happened to be next to the table where Muffy and Francine were sitting at.

Hey Francine, asked Muffy, what was that noise in the bathroom earlier?

Arthur suddenly perked up and eavesdropped on their conversation.

I dont know, said Francine. What was going on in there?

I know Arthur was in there at the time. What could he be doing in there?

Arthur became more nervous as his heart was beating faster and beads of sweat were dripping from his forehead.

Francine then explained to Muffy all about what boys like to do in the bathroom.

Arthur then knew from the very second that he was screwed.

While he was asleep, he was dreaming that the police officer was giving his demonstration.

After he was done with his demonstration, he told the class If you have any comments about any crimes that you may have witnessed, please tell me.

Fern raised her hand and said Yeah, I saw some mean guy at the zoo last weekend. First, he went to the primates and spanked the monkeys, then he went over to the big cats and tugged the tigers, and then he went to the farm section and jerked the turkeys, choked the chickens, and tied the rabbits to the flagpole!

Arthur became nervous because they were all slang terms for jacking off, which he certainly didnt want anybody finding out about.

Muffy then raised her hand and said Speaking of Ferns suggestive puns, Arthur was masturbating in the bathroom the other day!

Muffy! shouted Arthur.

The officer then pulled out his walkie-talkie and sent in the cops.

Several officers then stormed into Mr. Ratburns classroom and pointed their guns at Arthur.

Freeze, Mister, youre under arrest!

Any lewd or indecent act in a public place can result in imprisonment!

Youre going to the slammer, young man, and Im not talking about eating at Dennys, either!

He then spent the next few months in the jailhouse, where he was beaten up by the other prisoners, and castrated by a bunch of loony doctors.

After he was released, his troubles didnt end there.

Oh, you are in so much trouble Arthur that we are going to punish you SEVERELY!, his parents told him.

From now on, there will be no TV, no video games, no DVDs, no Internet, no iPod, no leaving the house except for school, no friends over, no recess, no chocolate milk, no hot showers, and no Corn Flakes for the next six months! And also, we are also taking away your Christmas, we are holding you back in the third grade, weve requested that Mr. Ratburn give you 10 times more homework, and you can never go to see Shrek 3, ever!

So for the next six months, Arthur couldnt watch any TV, he couldnt go on Xbox Live or to chat with Buster or invite him over, he couldnt listen to any iTunes on his iPod, he couldnt watch any DVDs, he couldnt go anywhere, he was forced to take cold showers morning and night, he had to eat scrambled eggs for breakfast, which he hated more than anything else, and he was missing Shrek 3, which was the big movie event of the summer, and then when he went back to school, all his friends were off to their first day of fourth grade talking about Shrek 3 while sporting all their Shrek 3 merchandise, including Shrek 3 T-shirts, Shrek 3 slippers, Shrek 3 backpacks, Shrek 3 lunchboxes, Shrek 3 school supplies, etc., while Arthur hadnt even seen Shrek 3 and had to start his first day of yet another year in Mr. Ratburns class, and plus he had ten times the work as the other kids, and at lunchtime, he had to get regular white milk, and he had to stay inside and do work while the other kids played, and at Christmas time, even though he was off restriction now, he didnt get anything, not even the Shrek 3 DVD, while everyone else got their copy, plus a new Nintendo Wii/Playstation 3/360 Elite. After New Years, his parents told him that they were going to put him in the nuthouse.

He then gasped after waking up from nightmares of being institutionalized.

The next day at school, Arthur started working on his math when Mr. Haney spoke over the intercom.

Arthur Read, please report to the office immediately!

To Be Continued


	2. Chapter 2

As he was walking down the hallway, Arthurs heart was racing at the speed of sound, and waterfalls of sweat coming down his forehead as he went into Mr. Haneys office.

As Arthur sat down into the chair, he feared he would be found out, thrown in jail, grounded severely, forced to repeat the third grade, be forced to do infinite times more work, never get to see Shrek 3, be put in the nuthouse, etc.

Arthur Read, said Mr. Haney, I have decided to make you our new hall monitor.

After about 15 minutes with Mr. Haney, Arthur walked out of the room, relieved that he wasnt in trouble, and proud that he was promoted to such a high rank.

He went to the boys room to monitor outside the door, since that was where he was assigned. He noticed an awful lot of kids coming in but not coming out over the next 15 minutes.

Back in the classroom, everyone was pointing and laughing at George, who had come to school with a hideous bowl cut- the kind that really Christian parents give their kids.

Flash back two months earlier. George had told his parents that he wanted to grow his hair out and dye it blue. His parents, of course, disapproved of this, as they thought it was demonic, just like when George wanted to get Magic, Yu-Gi-Oh, and Pokemon cards to play with his friends, or when he wanted to go to Binkys ultimate sleepover, or when he wanted to watch InuYasha and Yu Yu Hakusho.

George thought there was no way he was going to be popular until Buster told him that he could try hiding his hair under a hat around his parents. He tried it, and it seemed to work for the first few months.

Unfortunately, the night he was going over to Busters to get his hair dyed, which his parents thought was to study for the upcoming science project, Georges parents told him to take his hat off at the table. After a good five minutes of getting onto him, he finally gave in and took his hat off, told the truth about where he was going, and why he had been wearing the hat. They then immediately took him to the barbershop and diminished his cool mullet to a dorky bowl cut.

Back to when he was in the classroom with the ugly haircut. After a good several minutes of being pointed at and made fun of, George started crying, got up, and ran out of the room.

Buster, Brain, and Binky got up and follwed along with him.

George ran down the hall crying, and went into the bathroom.

Just as the rest of the gang was about to enter, Arthur stopped them and asked them what was going on in there.

Buster told him that he was just following George. Everyone then noticed that George wasnt crying anymore. They then went into the bathroom and found the most shocking scene possible.

The kids were taking their own poop and smearing it all over the toilet bowl, all over the walls, throwing it at each other, slip and sliding in it, eating it, etc., and George was one of them. The gang tried to stop Buster from joining in, too, but it was too late.

Mr. Ratburn wondered why it was taking them so long, and got up and walked into the bathroom. After he saw what was going on in there, he became furious and screamed out:

WHY IS THERE SHIT EVERYWHERE!

Buster suddenly gasped while he was throwing poop at George, and a piece of poop landed in his mouth.

He then told Arthur to take everyone, including Buster and George, to Mr. Haneys office.

Mr. Haney saw everyones crap smeared clothes and asked them What in Gods name were you doing in there?

Buster then told Mr. Haney the very answer that would get him and everyone else expelled and told him Think football, only with poo!

Buster, George, and all the other kids who participated were expelled from Lakewood Elementary, and Buster and George were sent to Elwood City Christian School.

Meanwhile, Mr. Haney rewarded Arthur with a $100 Simon Gift Card and phoned his parents about what a wonderful job Arthur did in cathing those kids. But inside, Arthur was guilty about getting his best friend and the most miserable kid in school in major trouble, and that he went totally unpunished for something even worse.

To Be Continued


	3. Chapter 3

Later that night, Arthurs parents were so pleased with Arthur that they ordered Pizza Hut and let him use the Simon Gift Card, along with all his other birthday and Christmas gift cards to buy a new Nintendo Wii and PSP and pre-order Halo 3.

The next morning, George and Buster were on a clanky, 50-something year old school bus to their new Christian school.

My life cant get any worse than this., said George. Now that Ive been expelled from Lakewood, which was the only place in my life that wasnt at all like home, Im going to suffer through no air conditioning and long lectures about how Im going to burn in hell 24/7.

Dont you have anything positive in life at all?, said Buster. You have a loving family who would do anything for you.

Like take all the locks off the doors and put surveillance cameras all over the house, or ban me from playing with Pokemon cards because theyre suposedly linked to the Occult, or never let me go to anyones house?

Well, actually, you do have a point there now.

Whats even worse is I cant get a job or a drivers liscense until Im 18, I cant go to any sleepovers or drink any soda until Im 16, I cant have a girlfriend until Im 20, I have to have a black light by my bed so I dont whack off at night, and Im still wearing a diaper in the third grade!

Harsh., said Buster. By the way, what happened to my Urusei Yatsura DVD that I lent you last month?

My mom threw it in the fireplace because she walked into the living room when the guy took the suction-cup gun and yanked the alien girls bra off, and the moment Mom saw Lums boobs, she screamed so loud the windows almost turned to fine powder.

The bus then dropped them off at their new school.

After the class said the Lords Prayer, the teacher decided to pick Buster to sing the morning psalm.

How about Beans, Beans, The Musical Fruit, said Buster.

Hm, beans were a staple of the Israelites., said the teacher. Go ahead.

Beans, beans, the musical fruit, the more you eat, the more you toot!

The teacher and the kids suddenly stared at him in shock and horror and started chasing after him.

Keep your eyes peeled!, said the teacher. He may assume other forms!

They caught up with him and splashed him with holy water for about 5 minutes.

About a few hours later, it was time for lunch.

Mmm, I hope they have tacos and chocolate milk in the cafeteria!, said Buster.

Well, said George, not exactly.

Buster nearly vomited when he saw they were serving liver.

Another kid said joyfully Oh boy, iron helps us play!

Another kid said Yay, nachos!

Buster ran over excitedly. He was disappointed when he saw that it wasnt nachos, but instead it was cucumbers with cottage cheese.

During recess, Buster pulled out his Pokemon cards to play with another kid.

The nun then took both their cards away and told them Sorry, but we do not allow cards of any kind here.

After the nun burned the cards, Buster asked George How do you get through life like this?

Meanwhile, at Lakewood, after the policeman gave his demonstration, he turned to Arthur and told him And you, son, happen to be one of many people who have caught a criminal!

Muffy then told the cop But Officer, Arthur was-

Arthur knew it was the moment hed get screwed.

He then realized it wasnt when he heard the police officer interrupt her and answer A hero yesterday? Yes, he certainly was!

Later that night, he was writhing in his sleep as he was having a horrible nightmare.

He dreamed he was in the middle of the poop fight in the bathroom, and was throwing poop at Buster and George when Mr. Ratburn walked in and screamed out a certain word that he was too young to understand.

Just as he heard the teacher yell out the unmentionable obscenity, a piece of poop got lodged in his windpipe. He was desperately trying to cough it out, but then he suffocated and passed out.

He then woke up inside the Christian school, and had holy water splashed all over him, and liver and nachos crammed down his throat.

He then woke up and gasped, sweaty and hyperventilating.

He then went back to sleep, where he dreamed he was playing his Wii in a jacuzzi in his own limo next to Sango from InuYasha.

To Be Continued


	4. Chapter 4

The next day at school, Arthur went around bragging to everyone about his new Wii and PSP and soon-to-be-owned Halo 3 game.

But at the same time, he also wished he could tell Buster about it.

During lunchtime, Arthur decided to sit down next to Binky, because he was one of his only friends left at Lakewood, plus the Tough Customers wouldnt let Binky sit at their table since he didnt have a 360 Elite.

So Arthur, can I see your Nintendo Wii?, asked Binky.

Sorry, Binky, I dont have it with me., he replied.

Aw, dang! Well, will you give me a dollar if I let you in on a secret about why Im actually still in the third grade?

Sure., said Arthur as he reached into his pocket and gave Binky the dollar.

Okay, continued Binky, it was just another glorious day last year, when I was 8 years old.

I had been working all day long, as usual, on mounds of multiplication tables, adding and subtracting fractions, long division, and a whole bunch of useless crap about cursive script that they would be cramming down my throat until at least fifth grade.

Suddenly, I had the urge. I had taken up masturbating weeks earlier, and I seemed to enjoy it. I asked Mr. Ratburn for a hall pass, and I dashed to the bathroom, and when no one was around, I put the lotion into motion.

Unfortunately, Molly happened to be walking by in the hall, and she obviously heard me whacking off in there, and later at lunchtime, she asked Prunella what I could be doing in there, and when Prunella used her psychic powers to find out what I was doing, I knew that I was in some deep shit.

To make matters worse, it also happened days before the annual police demonstration. Molly told the police guy about my behavior in the bathroom, and seconds later, several officers came in and handcuffed me and told me I was going to the slammer, and I knew he wasnt talking about Dennys, either.

I spent the next two months in the non-Dennys slammer, where I was beaten up by older, larger kids, and when I got home, I was suspended from school for about a month because of my behavior, and I was grounded badly, too, and I couldnt watch TV or play video games or go on MySpace or even hang out with Rattles, and worst of all, I could never go to see Happy Feet.

By the time I was back in school, school was almost over, and I had missed so many months of school that I had to repeat another year of grueling work in Mr. Ratburns class.

Wow., said Arthur, shocked as he finished his lunch and put his tray in the dirty tray pile. He then thought to himself Thats exactly what almost happened to me,... at least in my dream.

A few hours later, school let out.

Over at Elwood City Christian, Buster asked George So, what are you doing after school?

I have to go with my parents to a protest rally over at the Elwood City Aquarium. Aparrently, they have a moral objection against putting a sea sponge and a starfish in the same tank together. said George.

Whats wrong with that?, asked Buster.

Well, you know whats going on with SpongeBob and Patrick. Thats why I cant watch SpongeBob at all. said George.

What do you do when you get home? asked Buster.

Nothing except go to bed, because we get home real late after every protest rally, and plus I have to go to bed at 7:30 every night when the suns still out., said George.

Boy, Id hate to be you., said Buster as his mom picked him up.

To Be Continued


	5. Chapter 5

Just as Lakewood let out for the weekend, just before Arthur was about to leave, Mr. Ratburn told Arthur As a reward for your good deed that you performed earlier this week, I want you to have this.

It was a box full of all the stuff Mr. Ratburn had confiscated over the years, from yo-yos to hentai DVDs.

Later that night, Arthur and his family went to a soul food restaurant just downtown, while Arthurs porno box was hidden safely under his bed, where no one would find out.

It was now Arthurs only source of masturbation material, since Jane found out about her husbands secret stash earlier this week and made him throw out all his Playboy magazines, all his porno tapes, block all pornographic channels on their TV, even the Cinemax he paid $12 a month for, and plus Jane also made him install porn blocker software on the computer so that neither he nor the kids would be able to download porn.

While they were at the restaurant, Arthur saw George walking outside the window.

He was walking with his parents, they were all wearing white robes.

They put on pointy white hoods over their heads and entered the restaurant.

Just as Arthur was in the middle of ordering his food, George and his parents came in and yelled out a certain N-word that could be heard throughout the restaurant.

Five seconds later, everyone charged after them and beat them all to a bloody pulp.

After Arthur and his family ate their fill of soul food, they left the restaurant and headed toward the car.

While they were in the middle of the parking lot, a bee started chasing after Arthur.

AAH, BEES, BEES!, yelled Arthur.

The bees are a part of life!, Mrs. Nordgren told him joyfully, bloody and bruised but still jolly as ever.

The bees were also a part of death for Arthur, he was extremely allergic to them.

David finally swatted at the bee until it flew away.

Arthur breathed a sigh of relief.

They also had to stop at Sams Club on the way home to buy groceries.

The Reads rarely ever went out to buy groceries, this was Sams Club of course, where every grocery item comes in giant sizes, large enough to last you for months yet too big to fit in your fridge.

Arthur had to help his Dad carry all the large food items and toilet paper rolls to the cart.

Over in the next aisle, Binky tried to ask the giant-sized Mrs. Buttersworths bottle, which he thought was a real lady, where the giant Pepsi was.

He then accidentally tipped her over as maple syrup spilled out of her head.

OH GOD, IVE KILLED HER! WHAT HAVE I DONE!

He then crashed into a stack of giant cranberry juice pitchers, which then smashed to the floor as a giant wave of cranberry juice washed away everyone in the aisle.

Mmm, cranberry!, said Binky.

When the Reads were at the checkout aisle, David couldnt pay for all the items, he had to put some things back.

Arthur picked up the giant beer bottles, which caused David to flip out.

DONT PUT THE BEER BACK!

Once they got home, Arthur ate dinner, watched Cartoon Cartoon Friday, beat Buster on Fable on Xbox Live, and took a shower.

After he dried off and got changed, he started playing Twilight Princess on his Wii.

A few hours later, his mom came in and told him it was time for bed.

He went to sleep as everyone else did. At about 2 AM, Arthur was dreaming he and his family were driving to Disney World.

Just then, a severe thunderstorm was brewing, a loud thunderclap sounded, waking up Arthur.

The thunderstorm was so loud that Arthur couldnt go back to sleep.

He decided to entertain himself by playing one of his hentai movies from his secret porno box, with the volume very low so he wouldnt wake his parents.

The image of hot, naked, busty anime girls having giant tentacles stuck into their several orifices gave Arthur a major hard on.

He was just about to undo his pants when his mom opened the door.

He suddenly gasped in fear and knew he was going to be in major trouble.

Luckily, the storm had gotten so intense that the power went out just before Jane opened the door.

Arthur, grab your blanket and flashlight, we have to go to the basement.

Why? Whats going on?, asked Arthur.

David told him Were under a tornado warning. We have to move into the basement away from any furniture or windows until the storm passes.

D.W. overheard her dad and screamed A TORNADO! OH NO, WERE ALL GONNA DIE! !

She then continued running around and freaking out and screaming like a retard.

The Reads camped out in the basement for the night, thankfully, the tornado didnt hit their house.

They got their power back the next morning, and spent much of the weekend at the homeless shelter cooking meals for those left homeless by the tornado.

On Sunday evening, just after they got back from serving at the shelter, Jane sat down on the couch while pouring some tea, David was in the kitchen making chili to cater at the Elwood City Chili Cookoff, and D.W. was watching Mary Moo Cow, thankfully, it wasnt when Bionic Bunny was on, and Arthur finally got the chance to watch some dirty movies.

He was in his room watching Busters confiscated End of Evangelion DVD.

It wasnt a hentai movie, but still very dirty.

Arthur managed to sit through all the gross perverted scenes, including Shinji masturbating over Asukas comatose body, Misato french-kissing Shinji, Gendo sinking his hand into Reis boob, etc.

While Jane while typing up documents on the computer, she remembered she had to sign Arthurs field trip permission slip, they were all set to go on a field trip to the Elwood City Art Museum and the Mount Splashmore Water Park just outside of town.

Unfortunately, when Arthur saw his Mom come in, it was during the scene where Rei merged with Liliths corpse and morphed into a giant, curvacious, naked Pillsbury Dough Boy.

Before Arthur could get up to turn it off, his mom, in a horrified tone of voice, yelled:

IS THAT SEXUAL! THAT LOOKS SEXUAL!

She immediately took the DVD out and threw it into the garbage.

She then asked him where he got the DVD.

Arthur, not wanting his mom to find out about his secret porn stash, told his Mom that he got it from George.

Jane then called the Nordgrens and told them about the sexual DVD.

Georges parents then whipped him blind.

The next day at school, while the class was on their field trip, Arthur was looking around at all the paintings, suddenly, he saw a sculpture of a naked lady, this seemed to arouse him quite a bit.

As the class left the art museum and headed to the water park, all Arthur could think about on the way was the naked sculpture.

While Arthur was in the changing room, he had a real bad urge, real bad, but he knew he couldnt in a place like this, he knew he had to wait at least until he got home.

When he got in line for the H2Whoa water slide, he happened to be behind two hot, sexy bikini-clad girls, both at least 16, one was an Asian cat girl in a black bikini with short black hair, the other was a Caucasian rabbit girl in a white bikini with long red hair, they both had enormous breasts, now this really got Arthurs erection going.

Hey, Katrina, said the rabbit girl, I heard a bunch of kids got expelled last week at an elementary school nearby for playing with their poop the bathroom.

You know, Misty, said the Japanese feline chick, I heard from some bratty rich girl that the hall monitor kid who caught those kids was whacking off in there the day before.

Arthur suddenly became nervous, then decided it was no biggie, that they were only treating it as if it were a rumor.

He still thought about the hot girls throughout the line, when they both went down the slide, their gigantic tits were jiggling majorly while they were going down, when they got off the slide, they both had major wegdies from the impact of the slide, showing off their round firm asses, which made Arthurs penis even bigger and harder.

After he went down the slide and got off, he suddenly heard pointing and laughing.

Rattles made fun of him and said Hey, Boner Boy! Mind if I scratch my back with that stick you got there? Oh wait, thats your dick!

Arthur looked down at his trunks, and found that the wedgie he recieved from the slide had made his trunks tight enough for his erect penis to show.

Hey! said Binky, who was stuck in another slide because he was such a fatass. Why arent you laughing at me?

Just then, he saw the hot bikini girls again, this made even harder to the point where he couldnt take it anymore.

He pounced onto the redheaded rabbit girl, grabbed her breast, and:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! RAPE!

Arthur, in a deranged horny state, proceeded to pull her bra off, exposing her breasts, and put his mouth on one of her breasts and started sucking on it.

HELP ME! HELP ME! KATRINA, GET HIM OFF ME!

The lifeguard was just nearby, and he managed to pull Arthur off of her, wrap the traumatized young woman in a towel, and call the police.

The cops arrived within just minutes, and they put cuffs on Arthur.

Arthur knew he was going to the slammer, and not just the Dennys slammer.

To Be Continued


	6. Chapter 6

After Arthur was arrested and had his mugshot taken, his case was so big that all the news channels were talking about his tit sucking story.

Soon, not just everyone in Elwood City, not just everyone in whichever state Elwood City is in, but everyone across the nation, and some Mexicans watching Telemundo, knew about Arthurs perverted story.

Meanwhile, Arthur was washing up in one of the prison showers, one of the inmates dropped the soap.

Hey Arthur, said one of the inmates, could you pick up the soap?

As Arthur bent over to pick up the soap, the guy suddenly grabbed him as Arthur felt something being forced up his butthole.

While Arthur was inside his prison cell, still traumatized from being raped in the ass earlier, the prison guard came by and opened the cell.

Youve served your time. said the guard.

Arthur asked So that means-

Youre free to go., said the guard. Your folks paid the bail.

Arthur joyfully ran up to his parents until he noticed an unpleasant look on their faces.

Jane then told him You do realize where we came up with the money to get you out, right?

We sold all your video games and game systems, your TV, your satellite box, your DVD player, your iPod, and your computer. And I also happened to come across your secret porno stash under your bed, which I also sold.

Arthur knew this had to be a nightmare, but unfortunately, it wasnt.

David then added, There are also consequences for what happened at the water park today. First, youre grounded for six months. You will not leave the house, none of your friends are allowed over, youre not allowed to have any chocolate milk, you will not use any hot water when you take a shower, which means no more hot showers, you will have to stay in and do work at school during recess, and you will not eat any Corn Flakes.

Second, youre also in trouble at school. Mr. Haney has decided to suspend you from school for about a month, he has also stripped you of your hall monitor status, and you will also have Mr. Ratburn come over to homeschool you during the summer months.

And third, we are taking you to Dr. Ivan A. Kuttem¦ff tomorrow morning to have you castrated. If you dont know what it means, youll find out tomorrow.

The next day, Arthur was at the doctors office, he was strapped down to a table, his pants were gone.

Okay, said the doctor, this will only hurt for one second.

He then continued without applying any anesthetic, as he moved the knife toward Arthurs nutsack.

A second later, a loud scream could be heard outside the building.

After the doctor was done, all that was left of Arthurs testicular area was a droopy scrotum.

Arthur didnt like this one bit, he had to eat nasty scrambled eggs and runny grits for breakfast, he had to take freezing cold showers, he was bored all the time with all his stuff taken away, he had nothing to do.

By the time he was back in school, school was just about to let out in just a few weeks, not only did Arthur have summer school, he also had to repeat the third grade.

His summer was not a pleasant one, he had to do just about as much work everyday as he did at school, and he was missing Shrek 3/Ratatouille/Transformers/The Simpsons Movie, while all his other friends were enjoying their summer, Buster went with his Dad to Mexico, he fell in zee lake, but he had a good time, Binky went to fat camp and lost weight, and George went with his parents to see Ratatouille.

Unfortunately, then came the scene where Linguini accidentally kisses Colette.

Georges parents freaked out and rushed George out of the theatre.

When summer was over, and Arthur had to go back to school, he was disappointed to find out what his school year would turn out to be like.

He had to repeat another year of third grade, and plus the water park incident prompted Mr. Haney to mark Arthur as a special ed student, and plus Mr. Ratburn had stopped teaching his regular third grade class, he was now teaching the ESE class, which unfortunately was Arthurs new class, where he would be surrounded by autistic kids who werent toilet trained, and Down Syndrome kids who tried to rape inanimate objects, the retards would be learning to draw the letter A on a round piece of paper, while Arthur was still doing mountains of third-grade work, and plus he was ESE, which meant he would have to keep repeating the same grade over and over again.

He hated this, he had to ride the short bus from now on, he had to sit next to screaming retards who shit their pants, when he got off the bus, the normal kids made fun of him, he had to get regular white milk at lunchtime, plus his parents put him on a special wheat-free, dairy-free, sugar-free diet because they thought he really was a retard, which meant that the milk he got was actually crappy soy milk, and plus he had to get nasty mini tofu hamburgers and rock hard granola, during recess, the other kids played, while he had to stay in in and do more work, he was getting sick of this.

One day, after a few months of retard class, no friends, piles of homework, crappy organic special diet lunch, no recess, Arthur absolutely lost it.

He started crying like a little pussy while whining I WANNA GO TO FOURTH GRADE! I WANNA GO TO FOURTH GRADE! I WANNA GO TO FOURTH GRADE!

Binky was walking to the bathroom when he heard Arthur crying, he came in and pointed at Arthur and laughed at him.

Arthur then kicked Binky in his still developing 10-year-old groin, then started screaming, tore all his clothes off, threw his chair at Mr. Ratburn, and got on the floor and started kicking and screaming.

Mr. Ratburn called the Elwood City Mental Institution, within minutes, they tied Arthur up in a strait-jacket and placed him in the mental house.

He then woke up and gasped.

He found himself on the couch in the living room in his home.

Everything, the field trip, the tit sucking, the news report, the shower rape, the loss of his electronics and his porno stash, his severe grounding, his balls being cut off, the special ed class, the poopy diet, the meltdown, the mental house, all that was just a bad dream.

Jane then came in and told him Get dressed, we have to go to the Crosswires for dinner!

At the Crosswire mansion, while Bailey was taking the Reads coats and hats, D.W. told Muffys parents Im supposed to be on my best behavior tonight, and not mention poop!

D.W. then realized what she said.

Oh God, what have I done!

While everyone was at the dinner table, Muffy said Mrs. Read, could you pass the- ARTHUR WAS MASTURBATING IN THE BOYS ROOM LAST WEEK!

Arthur then woke up once again, this time in his bed, it was for real, not just another dream.

The next day at school, when the clas was getting ready for the field trip, Mr. Haney spoke over the intercom Arthur Read, please report to the office immediately!

To Be Continued


	7. Chapter 7

As Arthur sat down in the chair in Mr. Haneys office, Mr. Haney asked him Mr. Read, Ive been wondering if-

I just had a hard time pooping that day, thats all!, said Arthur, thinking Mr. Haney found out about his bathroom incident.

Well, anyway, Im just wondering if you could monitor your classmates on the field trip today.

At the art museum, everyone was well behaved and did what Arthur and Mr. Ratburn said, all except Binky, first he started playing with an ancient vase, he then started staring at a nude painting and started to rub himself just before Arthur snapped at him.

While Arthur wasnt looking, Binky took the painting and stuffed it in his backpack.

No one noticed except for the security guard after the class left, there was a blank wall where the painting used to be.

At the water park, Arthur and everyone else had fun, though Binky was causing trouble most of the time.

He was doing things like stealing food, hitting and shoving in front of other kids, cutting in line, touching bikini-clad womens breasts, etc., once, he pushed Francine off the stairs on one of the water slides, she landed on her head, her head split open, her brains came out and floated into the pool.

Arthur was just about to draw the line at that point.

Binky was going down one of the water slides on his boogie board, he was on his stomach.

When he slid out of the tunnel, Arthur noticed that Binky was humping his board.

Arthur reported Binky to Mr. Ratburn, Mr. Ratburn grabbed Binkys arm.

Thats it, young man, youre staying on the bus for the rest of the day!, said Mr. Ratburn.

Meanwhile, inside the park, Ataru, Lum, Shinobu, Mendou, every student in Tomobiki High School, and pretty much the whole cast of Urusei Yatsura was visiting Elwood City.

One of the women who had been molested by Binky was traumatized enough, suddenly, Ataru went up to her and tried to flirt with her, in his fractured English, Hi, Im Ataru Moroboshi, #1 Japanese boy! Preazu date-o with me!

Get your hands off of me, you filthy pervert!, said the woman.

DARLING!, a green-haired alien chick in a tiger skin bikini yelled at Ataru as she electrocuted him.

A few hours later, the rest of the class dried off, got changed, left the park, and got on the bus to go back to school to get their things and go home.

On the bus, Mr. Ratburn asked the students "Does anyone need to stop to go to the bathroom?"

"Not me," said Binky, "I already went earlier..."

Back at the park, Mendou was going down one of the slides, while he was walking out of the pool, he stepped in a pile of shit at the bottom of the pool.

This caused him to vomit into the pool, when he saw Francine's dead body, her brains floating around in the pool, her hollowed out skull, everything, he vomited even more, then fainted and splashed in his own vomit, when Shinobu saw Mendou unconscious in his own vomit, along with Francine's brains, Binky's shit, everything, she too began to vomit and fainted, when Ataru saw Shinobu's unconscious body, he tore her swimsuit off and began to do lewd stuff to her, when Lum caught Ataru trying to rape Shinobu, she pounced onto him and electrocuted him severely, Ataru continued to rape Shinobu despite Lum's painful electric shocks, at the same time, Shinji, Asuka, Rei, Misato, Ritsuko, Gendo, and even Pen Pen, and pretty much the whole cast of Neon Genesis Evangelion was there too, when they saw what was going on in the pool, they all vomited and fainted, some of the Gainax staff was there too, they filmed the whole pool scene and used it for the Third Impact aftermath in Rebuild of Evangelion.

Back at Lakewood, Binky was punished to a day of detention, Mr. Haney asked Arthur to stay after school to watch Binky, of course with the promise of another $100 Simon Gift Card.

During detention, Binky was sitting at the back of the classroom, Arthur was sitting next to Binky, Mr. Haney started talking about puberty, wet dreams, erections, masturbation, etc.

All the talk about sex and stuff was making Arthur and Binky hard enough to the point where their cocks were both painfully hard, they had enormous bulges in their trousers.

Mr. Haney continued to talk about how masturbating whenever you feel like it makes you a wimp, masturbating only when you need to makes you a man, etc.

Arthur and Binky both slid their hands down their pockets and started rubbing their privates inside of their trousers under their desks, thankfully, it was in the back of the room, no one would notice them.

They had both closed their eyes, thinking of the intense pleasure, suddenly, he heard laughing, he opened his eyes and noticed they weren't laughing at him, they were pointing and laughing at Binky, he was still masturbating, his eyes still closed, there was a large, oozing semen stain in his trousers, there was even a blob of pearl jam on the floor.

Mr. Haney grabbed Binky by the shoulders and yelled at him "You, Mr. Barnes, are a perfect example of a wimp!"

Binky then woke up and saw Mr. Haney in front of him, and the kids laughing at him, the "aftermath" of his daring ordeal, etc.

Mr. Haney then took Binky to his desk, undid Binky's pants, took out his paddle, and beat Binky's bare nine-year old ass until it was the same shade of red as his shirt.

Mr. Haney thanked Arthur and rewarded him with another gift card, Arthur went to Best Buy that night and bought a bunch of Xbox Live accessories.

At home, Arthur was playing Rainbow Six 3 with Binky on Xbox Live, Binky was yelling at his mom over chocolate milk, not knowing that Arthur was recording him.

"I DON'T WANT A MOUNTAIN DEW, I WANT SOME MOTHER FUCKING CHOCOLATE MILK!"

Arthur then put Binky's Xbox Live tantrum and everything on YouTube.

He then went to bed, where he dreamed that Mr. Ratburn had Tourette's.

To Be Continued


	8. Chapter 8

The next morning, Arthur was in class when the morning announcements came on.

Attention students, this is Mr. Haney, we have a new school nurse from Tomobiki High School in Japan, her name is Sakura, she has also brought her uncle Sakuramboo with her, but just call him Cherry.

Yes, Sakura had decided to move to Elwood City because she was tired of being sexually harassed by Ataru and his friends, not realizing that Lakewood Elementary would be even worse.

During the spelling test, Binky had slacked off and started drawing one of his usual penis pictures, planning to hide it in his Ghostbusters lunchbox along with his other dick drawings.

Unfortunately, just as he was adding the finishing touches, he accidentally dropped it on the floor.

Before he could pick it up, Muffy picked it up, saw Binkys work of phallic imagery, and:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! OH MY GOD!

She ratted on Binky to Mr. Ratburn, Mr. Ratburn sent Binky to the principal.

Mr. Haney searched through Binkys backpack first, he then opened his Ghostbusters lunchbox to reveal Binkys dick treasure chest.

Binky turned out to have a whole bunch of dick drawings, there was one of a dick in Tianamen Square, another of a dick riding an A-bomb, hell, there was even one with a dick version of Pippi Longstocking.

Mr. Haney called in Binkys parents and told them about Binkys dick drawing habit, neither of them were sure where Binky got the habit.

Sakura then came in and said Young Binky-san possessed by dick devil! We must perform exorcism!

She then got into her hakama, tied up Binky, and started performing the exorcism.

She could obviously notice Ratburn, Haney, and Binkys Dad all getting hard-ons from staring at her.

You no stare at me, filthy thoughts poisoning room, you ruining exorcism!

Unfortunately, she accidentally got her rack in Binkys face, Binky got horny as well.

He then jumped up, pounced onto Sakura, opened up her kimono with his teeth, and started sucking her boob.

As Ratburn, Haney, and Binkys parents pulled him off of her, a ghostly, dick-shaped figure came out of his mouth, the dick spirit was sucking Sakuras tit in place of Binky.

Even though Binky did have a dick devil inside of him and was already cleansed, his parents still took him to a psychiatrist who harassed him with all these dick questions, Binkys parents also literally made him stop eating foods that were shaped like dicks.

On Friday, Arthur came home from school and watched Bionic Bunny, after the show was over, Arthur suddenly felt like watching one of his hentai tapes, but he knew he couldnt during the daytime, he decided to find something to do in the meantime.

He flipped through all the channels, unfortunately, everything that was on had some kind of sexual innuendo having to do with masturbation, even Discovery Channel had innuendo.

The Burmese melon fly may masturbate up to 1,000 times a day, and suffer virtually no guilt.

He then flipped to HGTV, there was no way there would be any reference to masturbation whatsoever.

Up next, well show you how to jerk a gherkin!

Out of anxiety, he flipped through random channels, he stopped on a random channel and decided he was safe.

Just then, a commercial came on, it was a gym with several scantily clad women in it, they were exercising and moaning while showing shots of their legs, breasts, asses, etc.

JUST DO IT!, a female voice announced.

Arthur freaked out and ran out of the room.

Get tested for ringworm!, the female voice continued.

Later that night, everyone else was asleep, Arthur broke out one of his hentai DVDs and popped it in.

He undid his pants and put one of his dirty socks over his dick, ready for some hot hentai action.

He jacked off for a good while, just as he was about to come, his mom came in, saw what he was doing, and freaked out.

Arthur then woke up, it was the middle of recess.

Meanwhile, over at Elwood City Christian School, George and Buster were having lunch, all they had learned the past few weeks was a bunch of stupid crap about Jesus, why evolution isnt real, and why the Earth is only 5,000 years old and not 4.6 billion.

It sucks that everyone at Lakewood gets to go on fun field trips, while were stuck to learning a whole bunch of religious crap and eating scary nachos every single day., said Buster.

Didnt Binky get kicked out of the water park the other day for molesting the bikini girls and pooping on the water slide?, asked George.

Yeah, Arthur told me., said Buster. You know, last night I saw some video online, some kid was screaming at his mom over chocolate milk, I swear to God that kid sounded just like Binky.

Just then, the bell rang, it was time to go back to class, George started heading in the other direction.

Where are you going?, asked Buster.

Im going to the bathroom!, replied George.

While George was in the bathroom, the janitor was mopping up the bathroom floor when he heard grunting coming from the stall that George was in.

Going number two, huh?, asked the janitor.

No, Im not going that number., said George.

Well you shouldnt have that much trouble going number one.

Im not going that number, either!

Well if youre not going number two, and youre not going number one, then what number are you going?

Um, number three?

NUMBER THREE!

He then barged into the stall and saw what George was doing.

Jesus H. Rodriguez!. said the janitor.

Oh, so close..., said George.

George was sent to the pricipals office, the principal asked thejanitor what George was doing.

He was in the bathroom doing... you know... number three..., said the janitor.

The principal then thought to himself as he tried to remember the bathroom numbers and what they meant.

Number one, gold as the sun, number two, I gotta go poo, number three, set my sperm free-

GEORGE, YOUVE BEEN MASTURBATING!, yelled the principal.

When did you develop this sort of habit?, he continued.

Well, said George, I know its a sin, but I started doing it about a week ago, and now, my whole worlds opened up!

George, the principal continued, do you know what happens to little boys who masturbate?

No., said George. What?

Oh, terrible things...

To Be Continued


	9. UpdateDisclaimer

Hi guys, it`s SailorMiniMooooon. I can`t find the next chapter of this story so this won`t be continued. Sorry to disappoint anyone.


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